What You Do for the Least of My Brothers...

Ever had a moment when you are trying to make someone's day better but in the midst of it all you begin to realize that you are the one truly benefiting? It's like a boomerang effect, throwin' out something nice and it returns to you with the same momentum it left you with. Whether the effect is to sure up some weakness or doubt in your own life or the fact that their joy is so great that, realizing you couldn't possibly be the sole source of it, you are knocked out of some "prideful, self-righteous, bringer of joy" mentality. But why does this happen?

desired response to the "Bringer-of-Joy" mentality

We inherently know that the ultimate way to experience joy is to share it with others, otherwise: Why else would an expecting couple burn anxiously with a desire to share the good news of a baby with family? Why would a man who was offered an executive position at work make special dinner plans to share the news with his wife? Why would God have created man to share in his goodness if not because he knew that having someone to share it with would make it that much more meaningful? Keeping such things to ourselves devalues the joy attached to them because it serves no purpose and dies. It must be shared to thrive. The purpose for our joy as humans is to lift others' eyes to the giver of joy, but it's when we intend to capitalize on this joy by seeking praise that our motives become selfish, hence the "bringer of joy" mentality. Then we only do things to feed our own ego, not to truly give glory where glory is due.

Now y'all may be saying by now that I'm just blowing out a lot of hot air, and you're probably right, but it helps to set up the story I have from the reservation this week. One last note: I think that this is somewhat related to Christ's teaching that if we want to find ourselves, then we must lose ourselves completely in service to others. If we want to be happy, we have to be willing to invite others to claim full ownership of that happiness.

Fresh Off the Reservation:
On Wednesday of this past week I had the opportunity to travel around the indian reservation with the home-health nurse who takes care of all the elders of the Ute Mountain Tribe. We spent the afternoon at the senior center monitoring blood pressure, O2 sats, blood sugar, and other basic vitals. There were only a few individuals there so we had a lot of time to just sit and chat with the folks and get to know them. One woman, who I'll call Jane, made a particular impression on me that afternoon. Jane is probably in her mid-40's, is completely blind, and can play a mean piano (I knew when I found this out that this gal and I were gonna get along juuuust fine)!!! Jane has the disposition of a child, I'm not sure if it may be due to developmental disability or some past medical condition, but it is in no way a vice. It's that very disposition that opened my eyes to see that her lack of sight did not mean a lack of life, quite the opposite!

Jane took every opportunity to joke around with another man at the center, calling him Spongebob or Patrick every time he started acting ornery (btw, Jane loves Spongebob, another clue that we would be like two peas in a pod). We got Jane over to the piano and one of the nurses brought a list of about 30 songs that she had learned to play by ear for us to request from. Looking through it I spotted "Imagine" by John Lennon and asked if I could sing along. 

She started out and I came in too early, stomping all over her intro, and she wasn't having it! So with a little sass ;) she started again and we made it through that time. For about 30 minutes we jammed out to The Beatles, when I would go for the high notes and miss them, she'd giggle to herself and when I hit them she would let out a little squeal and squirm in her seat with excitement, lol. Seeing her so excited because of something as simple as someone to jam with gave me pause. It's not the great things done in life that bring great joy (the lie believed by Mr. bringer-of-joy, see above), but instead the little things done with great self-gift. To experience her happiness in that moment left me far more grateful than I could have imagined that day starting out. 

After we finished, I jokingly suggested to Jane that she and I should take our jam sessions on the road for a concert tour. She disagreed, she preferred we try out for "The Voice". I need to learn to dream bigger, obviously! Thanks, Jane!

A Voice Crying Out in the Desert:
Trying to stick to my challenge last week of reading the life of Christ more regularly, I have realized something... I suck at reading the bible. Plain and simple. I get antsy, nervous, and intimidated that I'm not going to procure some new insight into what I read and probably because I'm setting expectations for myself that are unrealistic (and that's probably a prideful approach to scripture anyway). I don't know if you experience the same as me, but unlike a lot of Christians, very seldom is the experience of reading the bible comforting for me.

But I'm not gonna leave it there. If scripture was easy to understand, the holy spirit might be out of a job and we might be out of a relationship. After all, people don't pursue a relationship because they know everything about the other person, they do it to be drawn in closer to the most interior parts of that person's being and to work to understand that person. Actually, reading the bible is a lot like dating: It's unpredictable, not because you don't know what words are coming next, but because you don't know how it will change your life next (you can call me the Love Doctor, now). Kind of scary, but thrilling. We have to keep coming back to it and allow ourselves to be conformed to its words until our identity is intertwined with its truth! Sound like a teenage romance story, anyone??!?!? That's all I got for now, God's blessings to all of y'all!

P.S.- Just want to say thank you to all of the service men and women who have died to fight for the freedoms we share in as Americans. May God bless all of you and may the souls of the faithfully departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. I pray especially for my grandpa, Jim.
St. Martin of Tours...   †

 1 of the many waterfalls in Telluride, CO.

In the Beginning...

Howdy, friends! Welcome to my first blog! In case you were wondering, bilagáana is Navajo for "white man". You're probably wondering why I've gone all native on ya (heehee); well I'm sitting in my room in Cortez, Colorado writing this blog because I am just in the beginning of a summer internship with Indian Health Services and I'm stationed at the Ute Mountain Ute Health Clinic, where we treat Indians of both the Ute and Navajo tribes. I'll be working both in and outside the pharmacy providing drug education to patients, public health services to natives in the remote parts of the reservation, and collaborating with the doctors, pharmacists, and nurses at the clinic to possibly start some new clinics to improve adherence for patients.

Through the course of my pharmacy schooling, I think I've said that I would like to be about 20 different types of pharmacists, the most recent of which (and hopefully last) a public health pharmacist with an emphasis in ambulatory care. This is why I'm out here; the clinic I work in serves as a medical home for our patients with 3 physicians, nurses, 2 part-time dentists, 2 optometrists, a lab, pharmacy, psychiatrist and psychologist, as well as home-health and public health nurses. In the pharmacy, we have access to all the medical records and the doctors are right down the hall to consult whenever we need.

So, my reason for writing this blog is two-fold: I know there are several pharmacy students interested in this kind of work and I hope that by sharing some of my clinical experiences on the reservation, it might help someone else decide what kind of career they want to pursue after graduation, but also because moving somewhere with no contacts, place to live, or any idea of the region can make a man shake in his boots a little, but is a great opportunity too to draw closer to our creator and I wanted an avenue to share with my bros and sisses in Christo the reflections and insight that the Lord blesses me with out here in the desert! Thanks for stoppin' by!

Fresh Off the Reservation:
- The Ute Mountain Reservation is located at the foothills of the "Sleeping Ute Mountain" mountain range. Legend goes, in the early days the Great Warrior God came to help the natives in a battle against the evil ones. As they stepped hard on the land, the ground was pushed to the side forming the mountains and canyons of the region. During the battle, the Warrior God was badly wounded so he lay down to rest and fell into a never-ending sleep. It is said that the blood of his wound became the living water for the animals and land around. He is believed to awaken one day to help his people fight off their enemies. See his silhouette of his folded arms across his chest, his head-dress still on top of his head, and his toes pointing towards the heavens.

A Voice Crying Out in the Desert:
I began reading St. Josemaría Escrivá's The Way on my hike up Sand Canyon yesterday. Msgr. Escrivá was a priest in the 1900's who had the desire to transform mundane ordinary work into God's work (Opus Dei) and thus founded an order of both clerics and laity whom he fathered to become stewards of God's love through their daily lives and work. The Way was a book of reflections, whispers, if you will, of the Msgr. speaking little phrases of encouragement in the ear of his sheep that were meant to impart the way to living a life after Christ's life.

The reflection that has stuck with me most potently is this, "May your behavior and your conversations be such that everyone who sees or hears you can say: This man reads the life of Jesus Christ." What is implied, of course, is that we do in fact read the life of Christ often or else how can we be perceived as being versed in Jesus' ways, by chance? Not likely! I challenge myself and you to increase your time spent with the gospels this week and allow yourself to fall in love again! After all, when we fall in love with someone, we want to be like them, amiright?! God's blessings!